My Immortal: With Commentary By Moi!
by TheWaffleAlchemist
Summary: Join our heroine, writingyourprison, as she embarks on a miraculous journey. Reading 'My Immortal', she shall voice her opinions, explain her reasons, throw up, and stand up for what she believes is right.   Okay, not really.
1. Chapter 1

**I consider myself to be a pretty open-minded person. **

**One of the best fanfictions I have ever read has some spelling and punctuation mistakes. So it's not perfect _technically. _But since it's a creative masterpiece, I adore it. It's possible, you know, to overlook the small mistakes. I am willing to do just that, and had made a pact to find something positive about every single fanfiction that came across my path. **

**Until I read 'My Immortal'. **

**Oh, Gods. Oh. My. Gods. It was just...words cannot describe my chagrin. I nearly threw up. I sat there, open mouthed, and felt disgusted at the sin of literature before me. I could not stop laughing. The author's denial, the stupid plot, her cast of OCs, her perception and mistakes just made it...well, I see why it was rated the worst fanfiction in history. Bless those souls who were brave enough to overcome and read the entire fanfiction. **

**It ruined my fanfiction innocence, but I also thought different things in every sentence. I'm sure we all did. Sarcastic, most of them were. Some funny. Some downright rude. But, hey, she deserved it! **

**This is why I have decided to voice my opinions about this in a commentary. Yes. I will commentate on this fanfiction, and just let my emotions out. It's much more sophisticated than throwing things around and screaming, a popular way of letting out suppressed anger and frustration.**

**So, without further ado, I present to you...my commentary. All the bold is me talking. Or screaming. Or crying. **

**Enjoy it, or hate it.**

**Actually, enjoy it. :P**

* * *

><p>AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!<p>

**...Should I be running away by now? One author's note and...the spelling...I do not want to meet Raven. Nor do I want to imagine this fanfiction without her inexplicable spelling help. **

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way **Hello.** and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) ***gasps* No way! **with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!)**Around the world, thousands of innocent souls close the window, and are shown mercy from this torture. **. I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. **Incest...? **I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. **Because _all _wizards shop there! Look at Bellatrix!** For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. **Sexy. **I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining **Snowing and raining at the same time? SHOW ME!** so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. **Well, aren't you sweet? **

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... Draco Malfoy! **Did anyone else imagine Draco happily skipping to Ebony, with a smile on his face? **

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **Interesting.**

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!

**Number one: I am not a fang. **

**Number two: ...good? Um...sure. Why not? Sweetie, if this is good, then Ebony is a blonde prep (that's right. I said the 'p' word!). Please, please, please take some classes in the English language. It really is a fascinating one, and all writers love it. Take some courses on grammar and spelling, come back, read this, laugh, burn it up, and then write something that can be remotely recognized as literature.**

**For the good of humanity. **

**Please.**


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok. **Okay...? So I'm a prep now? Sweet! **

The next day I woke up in my bedroom.** Odd. I thought you'd wake up in Draco's.** It was snowing and raining again. **Okay, who the hell keeps messing up a weather spell?** I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had.** Yum!** My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. **Listen: We do not need to know what you wear/change into every three seconds. Mmkay? **

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) **Ahh! Another one!** woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) **Stop. The. Stupid. Useless. Descriptions! **

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly. **Talking to Draco Malfoy? How gasp-worthy! **

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. **Someone's got a crush! **

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. **...Or not...**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **Aha, yeah, right, like you 'so fucking don't' like Draco. And it's 'flirtatiously'. **

"Guess what." he said. **That's right. Draco Malfoy doesn't ask questions. He _says _them. **

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. **A muggle band is having a concert in the only all-wizard town? And Draco Malfoy wants to go see it? *sighs* Dear, please read the books. Or watch the movies. Or get a life. Take your pick. :) **

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. **Yeah, you only said it about a thousand times. **

"Well... do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.** He just asked you out to a concert. No need to gasp. There are no marriage proposals going on right now. **

**And so our brave heroine survives yet another torturous chapter! What will arrive next? Will she delve into the depths of insanity? Will she go into hysterics? Why am I asking you all these questions? **

**I DON'T KNOW!**

**But what I _do _know is that Cheesewhiz is disgusting. **


	3. Chapter 3

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! **How very clever of you.** oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.** Obviously, not. You'd have spelled it right, if you owned it. **

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. **...Where did that come from?** I read a depressing book **You can read?** while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. **You sound very depressed to me. **

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) ***sighs* **and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **Oh, what wonderful role models you are! **When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). **Honestly, for a second, I thought you did. **

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. **There are clubs in Hogsmeade? **

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on. **About time, bitch. **

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. **I honestly just thought of Junie B. Jones. Did anyone else...? Anyone? **

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **Another sweet comment from Ebony! **

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into... the Forbidden Forest! ***gasps* Suspense! **


End file.
